I am in a state of weirdness. Life feels stagnate in many ways but it's also in flux. I am living alone for the very first time in my entire life. The kids are all grown up and have
But it's boring and lonely at times. There is no one there to laugh when I fart. No one to tell me that the neighbors aren't being THAT loud and to just chill out. I have to make the coffee every day and take out the trash when I get home. If the fridge is empty, that's on me. And I have no one to scratch my back or rub my head when I am feeling tense.
Also, I have a huge apartment. It's really really large and I could easily get by with half the space. The emptiness is magnified by all the space (although, said space is really clean since no one is around to mess it up). So, I am in the process of finding a new place. I'd like a house the same size, or a much smaller apartment. That probably makes no sense. But now that I am no longer legally responsible for anyone, I can do whatever I want.
The long-distance thing is indefinite. I don't know how long it will be. I love my job and have something resembling a career for once, so I am not eager to leave it behind. I like Austin a lot, too, so I am not eager to go back to Southern California. I am sure the house I love here for $1700 a month would be double that in So Cal. We'll see what happens. I'm trying the one-day-at-a-time approach but that's not really my style. I like looking forward to things. Ahem. I mean I like looking forward to things that make me happy. I don't like looking forward to uncertainly or undesirable things. Duh.
I suppose this is growth - being on my own and learning to like it. I think I am mostly afraid that I am starting to like it! As a former Navy wife, I know the drill. After six months, I have now adapted to life without my significant other. Naturally, that is when they come back and fuck everything up. Sigh.
More to come. I hope. I think I am much better at this than just about everything else right now.